The incessant ramblings of a slightly off task, disillusioned 20 something...

Saturday, February 2, 2008

The Sharting Kid Chronicals...taken from my MySpace blog

October 25, 2006 - Wednesday

OMFG!!!! The sharting kid at the library
Current mood: giggly
Category: Blogging

OMFG!!!!!!! So, I was just at the library and had to leave because there was this kid in a helmet SHARTING next to me!!!! I was laughing soooooo hard inside that I had to leave...This kid was looking over at the cds or mags or something...and all of a sudden I heard this loud ass fart!!!! It sounded like he just shit his pants (hence Sharting)..........he came over to me and apologized for the farting...I told him that it was ok...I fart too...then he asked if I had to fart now...ROFL...I said not right at this moment, but I do fart at times...He walked away and kept staring at me...then he sharted a bunch more...he then came over (waving his hand by his butt) telling me he farted again...he started to sit down by me, and then asked if it was ok if he farted...I couldn't handle it anymore...I had to leave cuz I was about to burst laughing!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 26, 2006 - Thursday

Sharting Kid...Part 2
Current mood: giggly
Category: Blogging

SOOOOOO...I just got done with work...and I was just gunna sit down and veg at the library for a few hours on the comp...I walked in, and the only open computer I saw was right next guessed it...The Sharting Kid! I was lucky enough that another one opened up next to a nice older gentleman...I tried to hide myself from Sharting Kid (called SK from here on out), but he saw me anyway...once he saw me, he walked over by me, sharted, sat down about 5 feet away against a bookshelf, and proceeded to STARE at me (while randomly sharting)!!!!!!! I am not sure if this kid has a metabolic problem or what...but he needs some Beano or something...and some new undies cuz I am SURE that the ones he has on are skidmarked up!!!!!!! He just resently got up...and put his helmet back on lol...I don't know what I did to tickle this kids fancy...I was in sweats yesterday...and I've been up since 430 this morning cuz I went to work for a few hours...but apparently I am hot stuff to SK...and his bike helmet!!!!!!!! I just hope that he doesn't realize that the man next to me just got up and left...PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, well...we all do it, I guess...

November 4, 2006- Saturday

gotta be fucking kidding me
Category: Blogging

so...i am at the library again...there are a lot of open comps...and guess who just sat down next to me because he was waiting for the guy who was there to get up??? you guessed it...SHARTING KID!!!!! you have got to be fucking kidding me...i have an hour left here...lets see how it goes...dammit!!!! this was supposed to be a shart free day!!!!

the little fucker is humming


Questions from S.K....I couldn't get any luckier today
Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging

So... ten minutes into my latest SK experience...and he has asked the following questions...and read the blog that I had written, so I erased it and started over

Did you hear me fart?

Is it ok if I fart?

Did you smell my fart?

Do you have to fart?

Can I hear you fart?

Can you fart now?

Don't you have to fart pretty soon?

What does that say? (in reference to the blog I had written earlier)

Why don't you have to fart yet?

I farted again...did you smell that one?

Don't you eat baked beans?

They make me fart...

I haven't heard anyone fart yet.

Why hasn't anyone farted?

Do you think they ate baked beans today?

He is staring at me again...DAMMIT!!!!!!!! I am going to Mc Donalds now...all I wanted to do was print off pictures of pretty dresses!!!!!



So, after I wrote this blog, I attempted to leave the library...I told SK this and he got up, and proceeded to follow me...asking me more questions about farts...if i was going to fart at Mc Donalds...if i was going to fart in my car...if i farted in my car...and so on and so on...then, i told him that i was late, so i had better hurry up...I started walking faster...and he followed me...the only thing that kept him from following me out to my car asking a million and one farting questions was the security alarm by the front doors alerting them that he had un-checked out books!!!!! OMG!!!! It cracks me up, but COME ON!!!!! ROFL Why did he have to choose me to be his favorite fart talker???? There are lots of other people that I see there all the time!!!!! Why not them??? Do I look like I fart a lot or something??? LOL Maybe he thinks that we have a lot in common or something!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA Lord knows that I will see SK again tomorrow at the library, so we will see where this goes then!!! hahahahahahahahahahaha LATER!!!!

Pat Sajak is gay

April 28, 2007


So, I was at work last night, and I got to work with my favorite little lady...

I was getting her up this morning and she made a comment that she wanted fake breasts (she is 103, so Im pretty sure its not gunna happen lol)...

She said that "the lady from The Price Is Right has them, so they must be ok. Her breasts look very nice even though she has kids"...I couldnt help but chuckle :-)

THEN she went on to talk about how Pat Sajak never talks about his family. Not a wife or kids or anything. But that lady with the fake breasts does (again, I chuckled)...

"Pat Sajak is one of them ho-mo-SEX-u-ALS. You know, he likes men.", she said (hehehehehe I laughed out loud to that one)...

With a big grin on her face, she said, "He must still live with his mother, but he never talks about her either. He must be one of them gays." lol

She wasnt being viscious about any of her comments. She is a very gentle funny little lady who has a fondness for bright red lipstick lol...And she is convinced that Pat Sajak is gay and Vanna White has nice breasts lol

the "poop core"

July 18, 2007

So, as you all know, I work with the elderly...
And most of them are pretty with it...especially on my unit...
Well, last night was a whole different story...
Kathy and I were doing rounds, and we smelled shit...lots of it...we both assumed it was from the bowel obsessed woman on the other side of the hall, as she fought to GET a soap suds enema last night lol (dont people usually fight to NOT get one of those ? lol)
We go into the room across from hers, and the shit hit us...
I will refer to my resident only as "old guy" in the story...
Old Guy needs to be checked and changed a couple of times a night, as he is primarily incontinent...
We need to make sure that his bedside table is free from any muscle rub, as he has been known to confuse muscle rub with lotion and masturbate with it (lol that was a funny night lol)...
When we walked into Old Guy's room, the smell hit us...then I stepped on a chunker of poo...
THEN we turned the lights on...
We both just kinda looked at eachother and cocked our heads to the side in bewilderment...
Old Guy had a cup of water on his bedside table as well as his assortment of other things (all covered in poopy fingerprints btw)...
In the cup of water were chunkers of poo...
It was a discusting mess!!!
There was poopy marks all over this guy...his hands, his gown, blankets sheets, pillowcase (which means it was in his hair too)...
We were both very disturbed by the whole scene as neither of our kids had ever played in poopy (Ive got my 2 boys, and Kathy has 4 kids of her own)...
We were cleaning him up, and trying not to let him touch us with his poop hands when he started rambling about the "core" in the cup...
We thought that he put something IN the poopy that was in the cup on his table...
He was refering to the poop was the "core"...
(writing this makes me giggle lol)
He is rambling about the "poop core" with this HUGE smile on his face, and we realize that this man is completely insane lol
He was only thought to be mildly confused untill last night lol
Im thinking that he is a bit more confused than we previously thought...

Delivery Guy Must Think I Dont Own a Bra

Oct. 20, 2007

haha so, i order chinese and pizza at least once a week from the same two places...
i get the same delivery dude from the chinese place all the time...
well, when i order chinese, its usually on a day that im tired and dont feel like cooking...and coincidentally, those are the days i have my jammies on all day till i get ready for work...
and i dont wear a bra with my jammies...
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...i go to answer the door tonight, and chinese delivery dude just looks at my chest...blatantly stares...i was like wtf!!!...
THEN....after i pay him and take my tofu veggie soup and fried rice, i look down at my boobs...and i realize that my jammie top is kinda see-through...
i learned an important lesson tonight...not so life altering and prolific as some, but a lesson, nonetheless...

Leah, You are not supposed to poop your pants

Oct. 24, 2007

I was at work last night, and one of my residents has slight dementia, but she is super sweet and I love her to pieces :-) Anyway, we were checking her last night and she had messed herself...she was so distraught and upset with herself and started crying.

I wanted to make her feel better.......

So, I told her it was ok, I pooped my pants earlier too, and Nancy made me go home and change my pants because I pooped them. Even I have accidents too. She got a big smile on her face and asked if that was why I had on dark scrub pants, and I told her yes, just in case I had another accident before I left. She gave me a big hug, and I told her I would see her on Monday when I came back to work...

Well, lol, the nurse brought her pills in shortly thereafter, and asked the resident how her night was. She told her about her accident, and then said that Leah had an accident too...but, she was happy that someone else had an accident so she didnt feel so bad anymore.

The nurse came up to me and asked what happened, and I told her, and she started laughing and said "Leah, you are not supposed to poop your pants, you know how rumors fly around this place" lol We were both laughing so hard at that point...We then discussed that the resident is prolly gunna tell everyone today that I pooped my pants...but you know what? Im ok with that rumor going around work (lol cuz its hilarious) because I made an elderly woman who was crying because she had an accident smile cuz she thought that I pooped my pants too :-)

Old Blogs.

I do my blogging on MySpace...but Im transferring some of my favorites over to here today...

Yes. Im passive aggressive. What of it?

Lyrical association...part of being passive aggressive...

I don't know how else to put this.
It's taken me so long to do this.
I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight.

My muscles feel like a melee,
My body's curled in a U-shape.
I put on my best, but I'm still afraid.

Propped up by lies and promises.
Saving my place as life forgets.
Maybe it's time I saw the world.

I'm only here for a while.
Patience is not my style,
And I'm so tired that I got to go.

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I supposed to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through?

Tell me I should stick around for you.
Tell me I can have it all.
I'm still too tired to care and I got to go.

I get to go home in one week.

But I'm leaving home in three weeks.
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry.

I'm following suit and directions.
I crawl up inside for protection.
I'm told what to do and I dont know why.

I'm over existing in limbo
I'm over the myths and placebos
I dont really mind if I just fade away

I'm ready to live with my family.
I'm ready to die in obscurity
Cause I'm so tired that I got to go.

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I supposed to do?
You still don't think I'm gonna see this through?

Tell me I'm a part of history.
Tell me I can have it all.
I'm still too tired to care and I got to go.

I'm still too tired to care and I got to go.